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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

KFC's dog's breakfast

I've been thinking about writing something about this anyway, but then last night, I got this text message while I was working during the game:
That KFC 'meal' looks like a poultry abortion


Actually, what I was going to write was just about the ludicrousness of the commercial itself. You all know exactly which commercial we're talking about. However, now I feel obliged to write about the product advertised as well. Here's a cruddy copy of that commercial, which I snagged from youtube for your viewing pleasure. Below the clip will be my thoughts.


Right from the beginning, this commercial is a mess. Nobody walks into a KFC and says "What's good here?". Unless you've been living in a cave for the last 70 years, you pretty much know what you're getting yourself into when you walk through those doors. To borrow and modify a line from the fantastic film Glengarry Glen Ross, "A man don't walk in the store lest he wants to buy chicken." That's point number one.

Point B is the cashier. If someone asks a dipshit question like that, chances are they wouldn't get the answer he got. They'd get a very terse, sharply worded response like "Chicken". Her answer started off innocently enough, but by the time she got to "should I top it off with gravy and a three cheese blend?", she had skipped right past the mildly flirtatious stage straight to the point where she's practically taking her shirt off. And that dude's a married man, for cryin' out loud!

Then there's the meal itself. It might be tasty. Certainly I'm a fan of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, gravy and cheese, but I'm not sure that I want them all mixed together like that. However, it is our uniquely American mentality to take any two or five items that are good, and put them together as one item. Or put them in a drinkable format. In this case, they made no effort to make the thing look appealing. I guess they're relying on our fascination with the combination of things, or the comfort of eating out of a bowl. Or our misguided hope that we, too, will be greeted by an attractive and flirtatious cashier.

This whole campaign, from the meal itself to the commercial, is a complete mess. As annoyed as I am by this commercial, I'd still rather watch it ten times than watch that horrifyingly annoying "BEEP BEEP" commercial once. I don't even want to talk about that one.

19 comments:

Bill Purdy said...

In Steve Martin's classic satire "The Jerk," Navin R. Johnson (played by Martin) hawks Pizza in a Cup, which at the time seemed totally over-the-top ridiculous and disgusting.

Ladies and gentlemen, KFC presents: Pizza in a Cup, made with fried chicken, gravy, and a "three-cheese blend" (which, if you think about it, is a real product that is infinitely more ridiculous and disgusting than Pizza in a Cup ever was).

Jes GÅ‘lbez said...

You know, I'd be tempted to try that 'meal' if I ever were to enter a KFC again in my life.

I have a strange affection for weird 'stews' like that. That, and I'm not generally at all picky about what I eat as long as it's healthy (this would have to be a big exception)

This isn't half as bad as the one baseball stadium (minor league) that made a KRISPY KREME hamburger. Yeah...two halfs of a donut make the bun (complete with glaze) and then you put the most fattening stuff in the middle... 1,000 calories alone for one of them,

d-lee said...

Yeah, Jes. I remember reading about that somewhere.

Now we also have the McGriddle and the Burger King french toast sandwich. The McGriddle is actually horrifyingly addictive. I haven't tried the french toast sandwich, and I don't intend to. I'm still creeped out by the King. Specifically that commercial where the guy wakes up in bed next to the King.

JP said...

I couldn't agree more - there is simply no reason that all of that needs to be combined in a bowl. Every time I see that ad I wretch (though I've seen the BEEP BEEP ad too, and it is in all likelihood the worst commercial of all-time).

Stormbringer said...

I only saw that "Wake Up With the King" commercial two or three times. But, that was quite enough...that ad was wrong on SO MANY levels. o_O

I'd forgotten about the Krispy Kreme burger...no wonder KK is not doing so well in the Great White North. Not even Tim Horton's would attempt such mess, at least I hope not. If I had remembered that monstrosity, I'd have mentioned it in my own rant about the KFC Bowl AND other "mixed food entrees" about a week or so ago.

I LMAO at this post...*very well done*. If you don't mind David, I may link to this in my blogs later...just like Lindy Ruff and Daniel Briere, the KFC Bowl is something that can never be made fun of enough.

The Acid Queen said...

Krispy Kreme is fine by itself--the description of that burger even made ME ill, and I freely admit that I love to get myself a huge Cheddar-style burger with extra onion from Cook-Out (and an orange shake) every now and then.

As for the KFC monstrosity, I might try it. Or I might not--it depends on how adventurous I'm feeling at the time.

mntineer said...

(though I've seen the BEEP BEEP ad too, and it is in all likelihood the worst commercial of all-time)

I have to admit that AQ put a certain spin on the BEEP BEEP ad a while back that makes it pretty funny. :)

d-lee said...

Oh, dear god! Anyone who is not in the know about Cook Out is missing out in a big way. CookOut is the reason that I did not flunk out of college. It may be my ultimate demise that there's a Cook Out location less than 3/4 of a mile from my house.

I typically go with the huge out west style, no onions, fries with extra seasoning and the Reese's shake.

d-lee said...

although in my college days, all someone had to say (and this was legendary) was, "But Dave.... lemon squeeze". That's also a damn fine milkshake.

d-lee said...

Caroline, by all means, link away! The more, the merrier.

Stormbringer said...

Caroline, by all means, link away! The more, the merrier.

Been done...twice. :D

Bill Purdy said...

More on the Krispy Kreme burger (a.k.a. the "Luther Burger") from the venerable Snopes Urban Legend Reference pages.

Per Snopes, the highest authority on most things: "Many of our artery-clogging 'danger' foods, like [Krispy Kreme burgers, and similar culinary monstrosities discussed in the article], are typically associated with the southern United States due to a variety of factors." In case you're wondering how such a claim is supported, I'll spare you the effort of clicking through to this unattributed quote:

"Much of the South's traditional foods date back to the days of slavery. Frying was preferable in the region's hot climate, since it didn't take as long as baking and didn't heat up a house as much. Plus, workers didn't have all day to prepare meals; they had to get back into the fields to work. Lard was also plentiful. Today, frying still is popular, especially in poor areas of the South, because it is also inexpensive."

Well, that explains quite a bit, except why people pay good money for the reconstituted food at Tricor restaraunts like KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut.

Chris said...

The KFC commercial seems wrong to me for another reason - the cashier is not white trashy enough for her age. In my experience, someone of her age and appearance would not be working fast food. Just throws it off from the beginning.

The commercial that gets me is the damn TGI Friday's "Vegetable Medley" one. It just pisses me off every time I see it and I can't rightly explain why. It's like the other three other guys at the table all simultaneously realize that their friend is gay and now that it has been made obvious, they think about all of the things they have done together with extra meaning. Just weird.

d-lee said...

Chris, I sort of refrained from thatline of commentary (although initially there was a paragraph about it). Since you brought it up, though, there's no way in the world a girl like that is running the cash register. I could see her being the manager, perhaps, but not the cashier. With her sassy, flirtatious attitude, she's more likely to be a cocktail waitress at a strip club. Or maybe at a casino.
Who knows, though. A company like KFC? She probably gets killer benefits working part time. And all the "famous bowls" she can eat!

Maybe the "joke" is that the dude is actually her husband, and they were childhood sweethearts, so she really has known him forever. She comes from money, and doesn't need to work, but does so just to occupy her time.

Before anyone jumps all over me, yes I know we're over-analyzing a commercial, and the girl doesn't exist in real life. I'm just having some fun to distract me from being nervous as all get out.

Chris said...

Yeah - that's what I said to my wife. Maybe a manager, but definitely not a drone behind the counter. heh. Glad I'm not the only one.

Ewww.. I definitely didn't get into the "famous bowls" and husband/wife possibilities. That can get rather not-PG really quickly. Best to cut off the line of thought immediately.

Stormbringer said...

"The commercial that gets me is the damn TGI Friday's "Vegetable Medley" one. It just pisses me off every time I see it and I can't rightly explain why. It's like the other three other guys at the table all simultaneously realize that their friend is gay and now that it has been made obvious, they think about all of the things they have done together with extra meaning. Just weird."

THANK YOU!! I knew I couldn't be the only one annoyed by that ad. I love T.G.I. Friday's (and *really* miss it here in Bluefield, VA/WV), but their ad campaign has gone down the toilet in the last couple of years.

As much as I abhor the "Vegetable Medley" ad, I *really hated* the ad about the man being at Friday's with his buddies. And much to his surprise, he sees his wife there with her friends AND has the audacity to say "What are you doing here?! Where are the kids?". Amazingly, the wife does not mind such condescending questions, and proceeds to say the kids are with one of their grandmothers. After which, the husband and wife immediately spot the kids with grandma in a nearby booth.

That ad totally rubbed me the wrong way (SO, it's OK for the male half to have a good time at Friday's, BUT NOT the female half?! Okaaaaaaay...), AND that's really saying something... especially considering that usually, I am not one to be bugged by "sexist stuff".

Chris said...

I didn't take it that way, being a guy. I figured the guy was out with his friends and he spotted his wife who, last he checked, was with the kids. As a father, that would be my first question too.

It's not a "guys only" thing as much as it is a "where in the hell are the kids?" I guess your state of mind definitely affects your reaction to that one.

JP said...

Don't you just love when you blog your ass off all year and your most commented on post (I assume) is one about some fast food slop? Ah, the internet - a fickle mistress.

Keep up the great work - hockey and otherwise - and good luck tonight!

Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Doesn't this make you proud that you brought fast-food to the rest of the world? Yummiee!

http://www.phuson.com/son/images/krispykremeburger.jpg

Don't you just love when you blog your ass off all year and your most commented on post (I assume) is one about some fast food slop? Ah, the internet - a fickle mistress.

Re: We call it the Paris Hilton-syndrome in the real world.

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