A Carolina Hurricanes blog with occasional news about the rest of the NHL.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

I've been tagged

The boys at CinO have tagged me in the latest game of blogger tag, so here goes my ideal situation:

Team: Carolina Hurricanes, but I would demand a trade to the Vancouver Canucks
Uniform number: 50
Position: Left Defense
Nickname: D-Lee, Dragon, Platypus, Trunks, Bingo
Dream linemates: Tomas Kaberle
Rounding out the PP: Paul Kariya, Daniel Briere, Justin Williams (gotta have one 'Cane in there)
Job: Seventh defenseman some nights, "healthy scratch" most nights. Penalty killer and garbage time specialist.
Signature move: homerun pass to player coming out of penalty box for breakaway chance. Sadly, I would also specialize in the own-goal.
Strengths: stretch passes, shot blocking
Weaknesses: skating, hitting, staying in shape, "the sauce"
Injury problems: splinters in my ass from riding the bench, right ankle, "lower body"
Equipment: wooden stick, motorcycle helmet
Nemesis: Bates Battaglia
Scandal Involvement:I'd show up piss babbling drunk at a charity fund raiser hosted by Bates Battaglia, sabotage the catered dinner, and sexually harass all of his female guests
Who I’d face in the Stanley Cup Finals:the 1989 Calgary Flames
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Challenge Bates Battaglia to a best of five Scrabble series interspersed with five two-minute rounds of boxing. They have Chess Boxing, so why not Scrabble Boxing? Winner gets the Cup. Really, I get the Cup, but I'd want to destroy Battaglia first.
Would the media love me or hate me? For the most part, they'd hate me. I'd always be kind and gracious in interviews, but I wouldn't give them much that's printable, and I'd always throw in something completely non-sesnsical and perplexing like "Well, sometimes you have to lay down with bears if you want to have a four course meal, and tonight there just wasn't enough bubble gum to go around."
Whenever a reporter would challenge me or criticize my play, I'd get fussy and say something like "Yeah, I turned the puck over deep in our own zone, then fell down, allowing the game winner, but I can whip your ass in Scrabble right now! I've got all my equipment right here! Let's go!"

I don't know if they've already been tagged, but I'll "tag' Kevin BFLOBLOG, Dave Sidearm Delivery and JJ Guerrero

2 comments:

KevinP said...

Crap.

You're just gonna' wait until Monday for this. I'll do it while I'm banged up after the SuperBowl

Bill Purdy said...

Re: Team

In your dreams, dude. Only in your dreams.

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